The Final Days

Lesson learned for the summer: Things change in the blink of an eye. 

I guess everyone who has been following my blog noticed that I quit writing for awhile. I just didn't have any words to describe how I was feeling. I still haven't fully wrapped my mind around the events that have taken place. I guess I should start where I left off.

I got off work late Thursday night and had taken Friday off to go home for the weekend. I was looking forward to spending time with my boyfriend and his family. Those lazy weekends in between working were the only thing rejuvenating me enough to go back to Memphis and get back to work. So Monday morning I woke up to a text from my father that simply said, "Gena passed away at 3:30 this morning." I won't repeat what my first reaction was, but I melted down. Gena was my dad's fiance. She had been struggling with colon cancer that had spread for some time now. After being in remission for a few months it came back and it came back hard. She made the decision to not do any more chemo so we all knew that we would eventually have to say goodbye. In that moment, I knew that I was going to have to make some decisions and make them fast. I called Sister Barbara and told her what had happened and then headed to my hometown to be with my father. Tuesday we sat in Gena's home with her children, parents, niece, brother, and sister. Gena's story not only inspired our small hometown, but it expanded into the depths of Facebook and touched the lives of people none of us even knew. Love in the form of food, flowers, and hugs flowed steadily into the house for the next couple days. The funeral was Wednesday and I can't think of a better way to describe it than what my boyfriend turned to me and said afterwards. "That was awesome." And it really was. Gena's life was celebrated in a way that I never thought possible. She had left messages to her family via slide shows. She had chosen the perfect outfit (orange: her children's school color). She had asked for donations to be made to her church building project in lieu of flowers and the spray on the top of her casket held flowers from her own garden. Friends, coworkers, family, and strangers alike walked into the sanctuary and said their goodbyes. I was most moved when my father's coworkers came into the reception line and after hugging him, they hugged me and whispered into my ear, "Take care of your dad." It was nothing less than awesome. By Thursday morning we were headed to Memphis to move my things out. I would like to say that it wasn't an easy decision or that I felt torn, but I didn't. I knew that I needed to be closer to home for my family. Even if my dad never called on me, at least I would know that I could be there in a mere two hours should he ever need someone to lean on. My only concern was that my dad would in some way feel guilty for the decision I had made to quit the internship and move back to Alabama. I'm confident that I made the right decision. I know that Gena was proud of me for moving to Memphis in the first place and I know that she would have been proud of the choice I made to be with my dad.

So I end my blog here with an unexpected turn of events. I end it not with the closing of the summer and not with stories of the boys I have left behind, but with a heavy heart and many life lessons learned. I guess in a way there isn't a more perfect ending. Gena's devotion to her family is what Youth Villages is all about. A force for families and I can't think of a more perfect force for my family.

Day Sixteen and Day Seventeen

"Learning never exhausts the mind." -Leonardo da Vinci 

I have learned several new things in the past two days. I have to admit that I was beginning to wonder if my summer would consist of watching the other staff and playing cards with the boys. I know as summer staff we are somewhat limited in what we can do, but geez I was starting to think that I could have learned more about myself by staying in Alabama rather than coming up to Memphis. 

1.) I learned how to put in phone call notes on the computer. A simple task that made my night to be entrusted with.

2.) Boys are gross. I guess this wasn't a new concept but I definitely got a refresher on just how disgusting boys can be. I have three brothers and a boyfriend who all think that burping and farting are just things that happen and find it funny to do to get a reaction from each other or the females in the room, such as myself or my mother. Unlike the boys on my courtyard though, my male family members know when it is acceptable and unacceptable to pass bodily gases. They wouldn't do it outside of the comfort of their own homes or in front of complete strangers. Nevertheless, I have come to the conclusion that boys are gross and smelly and that will never change. 

3.) I was put in charge of leading a life skill today!! We have been a little short staffed and I guess my program manager trusted me enough to lead today's life skill on excuses. I would say that it went pretty well. I was able to involve everyone in the group by either asking them for examples or getting them to read something from their worksheets. I have to admit that I'm pretty proud of myself. 

Day Fifteen

It was yet another quiet day at the BCIRT. Not a single off task kid on courtyard one all day. (Yay for a small success!!) So I've decided to share a couple of links with you all. The first one is about the first person I ever talked to from Youth Villages. Her name is Sister Barbara Spencer and I'm pretty sure she is the most amazing woman I will ever meet. She was in charge of hiring all the interns and has been on board with Youth Villages since day one. She is absolute sunshine when she walks into a room and you can tell how much everyone here respects her.
http://www.memphisdailynews.com/news/2012/jun/1/sister-spencer-instrumental-in-youth-villages-success/

This next link is a YouTube video called "Extreme Measures." It is an original Youth Villages video that explains really well what YV is trying to accomplish with all their kids.

"We believe in the kids who are the hardest to believe in." -Pat Lawler, CEO of Youth Villages
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2Z-QI43Ek4&feature=youtu.be

Day Fourteen

Sabotage

Not much happened Friday at the BCIRT. I'm shocked slightly still at the inability of the children to see past their immediate actions and realize the consequences for the future. In particular a boy who was going to be given a day pass to spend out with his family, threw his opportunity away because he was having a bad day. He refused to eat and said some pretty vulgar things to the staff. I hate that he couldn't or wouldn't just keep quite so that he could enjoy the day his family had planned and I hate it even more for his family, but that's the way the world works. You can't just say and do whatever you want without reaping the consequences and these boys need to learn that. Other than this boy being off task all night, it was a pretty calm evening.

I thoroughly enjoy the shift that I worked with on Friday. They have a great sense of teamwork and communication. They trust us to try new things and give us the opportunities to explore the different aspects of the job. It is amazing how much the people you work with can affect your mood and whether or not you enjoy what you are doing.

Day Twelve and Day Thirteen

Sorry for the delay in posting. This week has just flown by and I have been getting up early to get a jog in over in Shelby Farms Park every morning so there just hasn't been time to write. But if you are ever in Memphis I would highly recommend Shelby Farms. Pictures below!

It has been a pretty uneventful couple of days. Several of our boys are discharging to lower level facilities so that is exciting. Other boys seem to be more escalated than what I have witnessed so far. I guess everyone has good days and bad days, but it amazes me that the quietest kids on the courtyard will suddenly explode into anger over something so minute. They are all mostly in the early to mid teenage years and are going through a lot of changes that I assume are hard to process and understand. Most all of them use anger as an outlet for their frustration so it is important for the staff to process with them and use the anger reducing therapy skills that they are taught.

"Which staff do you think you will learn the most from?"

One of our questions today in consultations was which staff member we thought we would learn the most from this summer. I chose a woman that I work with who has the most incredible ability to smile in every moment of every day. Even if she is dead tired she never lets it show. She has the most amazing attitude and leaves any personal issues that she has at the door. I have yet to see her upset or bad mouth anyone else. She has a pretty good rapport with the kids on our courtyard. I admire her so much for being able to come in and give these kids the love and attention that they all need. It is a very hard thing to do especially when you are having a horrible day and the last place on earth you want to be is at work. I really do hope that just by being around her I can learn to be more like her in all aspects of my life.

Day Eleven

"I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element at work. It's my personal approach that creates the climate; it's my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool for torture, or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or deescalated or a child humanized or dehumanized." - Haim Ginott

This amazing quote is posted on the back of the door leading to my courtyard. I never took to time to read it until today and I'm glad I did. Humiliate or humor. Hurt or heal. I know that these boys are all here for one reason or another. If they didn't need to be here they would be at home with their families, but I think what everyone who works with kids needs to remember is that they are watching you in every moment to see how you react to things and how you handle yourself in certain situations. It's an amazing amount of pressure to be a role model every second of every day. There is a lot riding on how these boys react to their emotions and they look to us as staff to help them figure out what is acceptable. If I choose to ignore the most annoying kid on the courtyard or if I laugh at a prank, then those things become acceptable for the boys to do as well.

The Challenge of Parenting

I think I have a moment during every shift where I take mental note of how hard it is to be a parent and how grateful I am to have the ones that I do. The above quote was my epiphany for the day. I see and feel the strain of being under watch constantly by someone, but they were there to humor and heal and make my life joyous. They successfully attempted what I now see as a near impossible task: raising children. I have a new found respect for all parents or grandparents or foster parents or whoever decides to take on the challenge.


Tomorrow brings another day sure to be filled with unexpected life lessons. I am genuinely grateful to be able to share what I am learning with those of you who have been keeping up.

Day Nine and Day Ten

What a contrast between the atmosphere of Fridays and Mondays. Friday seemed to fly by without a hitch and we had several boys who where getting good news from their counselors about getting moved to other, lower security facilities. We once again all left with smiles and laughter as we walked to the car that night. But Monday seemed like it would never end. The dreary weather combined with Monday blues made for the slowest moving day I have ever experienced. I think I checked my watch every 10 minutes for 8 hours. Funny thing about not having access to clocks in the facility, time either flies by or creeps at such a glacial pace that you are tempted to find a corner and just go to sleep so that when you wake up maybe more than a few minutes has gone by. Of course I couldn't go to sleep so I found myself pacing around the room and trying to beat my own record for how long I could go without looking at my watch. I guess it is the same way for the boys there though. Just gives me another perspective into the lives of the kids at Youth Villages. 

Tomorrow's shift will hopefully prove to be better, or at least faster. Wednesday is the Intern Game Night and Thursday we have consultations to help break up the day. I'm also looking forward to spending the weekend with my boyfriend here in Memphis. My fingers are crossed that Monday was this week's hump day and it's smooth sailing from here on out!

Day Eight

The other summer staff and I have been carpooling together to the BCIRT and at nine o'clock when we met in the lobby, we were all smiles. You know you had a good day at work when everyone leaves smiling at the end of the day.

A Slow Start

I wasn't exactly sure how the day would go since it got off to a rather bad start. While I was waiting for my ride, I dropped my less than six month old phone onto the concrete and shattered the screen. It still functions, but the screen is not so pretty. When we got to work there wasn't a lot to do, but time started to pass by quickly and by the time we got to see the boys we were already half way through with our day. 

Bananagrams

My coworker and I were asked to play bananagrams, a word game like scrabble and crosswords combined, by one of the youth so of course we obliged. I was surprised how good he was at the game! He was fast and he beat us both times we played. It was good to have some fun with the kids since up until that point we had mostly just been observing. We were then asked to help during med check, which simply insures that the boys are taking their nightly medicine. Then it was time for dinner. After a smooth dinner the boys had time for phone calls and showers while everyone else watched "The Karate Kid." Time went by really quickly yesterday and we didn't have any major issues. We were complimented once by our supervisor and once by another staff for handling the day so well. Before we knew it, it was time to go home for the night! I'm actually excited to get over there today to work. 

Day Seven

We had our first real taste of the BCIRT yesterday. As we were sitting in the lobby waiting for our keycards, several staff walked by and wished us luck on our first day. We then proceeded to have a team consultation with everyone who works in the BCIRT where we discussed ethics and privacy laws. We do this every Wednesday while the kids are still in school. Then we split up into our individual courtyards and had treatment team meetings. This was really great to be a part of because it gave me a better impression of who these kids are from a counselors perspective. We discussed their weekly goals and either gave them new ones to move on to or stuck to the ones that they already had to let them work on them more.

Namesake

It amazed me that even though every single one of the boys desperately wants to get back home, they have the hardest time doing what needs to be done to make that happen. A weekly goal as simple as saying ma'am and sir or having better hygiene is a mountain of a task for some of these youth. They can't see past today and picture a long term goal of ultimately getting back home. Hence the name of my blog. Their nearsightedness is so difficult to overcome and as staff it can be frustrating because we want the best for all of our boys, but it is up to them to make the right decisions. 

Phone Home

After treatment team the boys had some group therapy and then we played bingo. The fact that teenage boys really enjoyed their bingo games really surprised me. It was fun to see them all getting along and get so excited when they won. Afterwards we went to dinner where there was some anger towards staff from a particular boy, but I was really proud of the rest of the group for not feeding into it and some of them even tried to deescalate the boy themselves. They didn't want to see him get into trouble and they didn't want him to cause others to get angry. Once that situation was settled, we had time for phone calls and showers. I was assigned to shadow the phone calls so I sat in on about five or six calls. Each and every one was hard to listen to, some more than others. You could tell how badly these boys just wanted to talk to their moms or aunts or foster parents. What was worse were the parents who seemed so distracted during these calls home. The look on the boys' faces was sometimes enough to make me want to cry. I realized in that moment that no matter what these kids have done or said or gone through, they are kids and they want to be at home with their families just like any other kid. Even the hardest, toughest acting kid could walk into that phone call room and leave with an entirely different attitude depending on how his call home went. I guess that's the power of being a parent right? Whether you are a biological parent, a step parent, a foster parent, or adoptive parent, your attitudes and actions and words (or lack thereof) will have an impact on your children for the rest of their lives. 

Day Six

I am beyond exhausted after my day today. We had activity after activity from 8:30 to 5:00. And after not getting back into town until 2 AM this morning, I've been running on about 4 hours of sleep. I can now say from experience, which I'm sure my parents won't be too happy about, that the streets of Memphis are not where you want to be after midnight. I saw things that shocked, confused, and almost moved me to tears. Nevertheless, today was chalk full of useful information.

Re-ED

Nicholas Hobbs was the founder of one of Youth Villages' techniques known as Re-education of Emotionally Disturbed Children. Dr. Hobbs believed that children want to do well and have a desire to learn. This approach is grounded in educational, psychological, and ecological principles. The 12 principles are:
1.) Trust between child and adult is essential.
2.) Life is to be lived now, not in the past.
3.) Competence makes a difference.
4.) Time is an ally.
5.) Self-control can be taught.
6.) Intelligence can be taught.
7.) Feelings should be nurtured. 
8.) The group is very important to young people.
9.) Ceremony and ritual give order.
10.) The body is the armature of the self.
11.) Communities are important.
12.) A child should know some joy in each day.


The following link is a great article that goes a little deeper into who Dr. Hobbs is and what he founded.
Re-ED Principles

Structured Chaos

Role paying activities were a major part of our Re-ED training today. We went through several different types of group huddles that are frequently used in the residential facilities. These were really useful to see how they are supposed to run as opposed to an off task huddle where nothing gets accomplished. After lunch we started our major role playing activity. The summer staff was divided into six groups and given six different scenarios to plan for. We needed to set expectations of our adolescents and plan for positive behavior and negative behavior. We discussed each of the six scenarios in depth and got a real life taste of how difficult it can be to keep kids on task and out of harms way. But I think the most important thing that I learned today was that it may seem like nothing is going your way because your plan for the day isn't being perfectly executed, but as long as you can see progress by going from wake up time to breakfast to group time to bathroom break, etc, then you are on task and getting done what needs to be done. We function in a structured chaos of sorts and this train may rock around an awful lot, but getting from point A to point B is the most important thing. 

The Big Day

Tomorrow begins our first full day on the job site. The BCIRT shift begins at noon and we will wrap up around eight. Tonight I plan on getting to bed early and being fully rested so that tomorrow I can put into place EVERYTHING that I have learned over the past week. I will of course let everyone know how it goes!!

Day Five

So after work Friday I decided to make a trip to Tuscaloosa to pick up a much needed check and get a few more things from my apartment. It was supposed to be an uneventful weekend and I planned on being back in Memphis Sunday night. But around three Sunday afternoon I was hit with a case of what I believe to be food poisoning. (I think from a sausage biscuit from Burger King...) So needless to say I was in no shape to drive the 200 miles back to Memphis. I emailed my boss and texted a few coworkers to let them know where I would be and asked them to take good notes on our first day of Re-ED training. This afternoon, I received a text today from a friend in class to check up on me and when I asked how training was going her response was, "'Shut the fuck up' and 'You're a stupid bitch' are actual slides in the presentation, so that's promising!" Needless to say I can't wait to get to class tomorrow to see just how that fits into our training. We start working full time at our centers Wednesday afternoon, so let the countdown begin! I will be sure to make tomorrow's post a full update of everything I missed today.

Thanks to everyone who has been keeping up with my posts! Please feel free to share them with anyone who might be interested. And if you have any questions, ask away!!

Day Four

It's Friday, Friday!

So Friday finally rolled around and I was all set to finish up the last day of orientation. The group had been split in half so we could learn the physical side of the training we had received on Thursday. I knew we would be up all day practicing the correct way to get out of being choked, grabbed, or bitten. I also knew that it would be particularly important to actually remember all of the maneuvers we learned because it was very likely that I would find myself in one of these situations at some point over the summer.  

Let the Games Begin

We started off by learning the basic steps what to do if something is being thrown at you. Step one: MOVE. Simple enough right? A boy is trying to punch you, move. A chair is flying towards your head, move. Step two: Block or deflect. They teach us to move first so that as little physical contact is made between the staff members and the adolescents. Then we paired off and learned how to find the weak points of every situation. If you are being grabbed, the thumb is the first finger to give way. Our automatic reaction as humans is to pull away from a dangerous situation, but we were taught to use our strength to push into the grab or bite to throw the other person off balance then use that to push out at the weak point. Of course at the BCIRT we aren't allowed to intentionally harm the boys and these maneuvers are designed so that, if done correctly, everyone remains uninjured. For a bite, you "feed" the bite by pushing the mouth towards whatever it has latched onto and then if required, you slightly pinch the nose of the attacker forcing them to open their mouths and giving you the opportunity to get away. 

After lunch we moved on to restraints, or holds, that are pretty frequently put into practice "as a last resort" if a child is " causing harm to himself or others, causing significant property damage, or trying to runaway." As summer staff, we aren't allowed to use these restraints, but they wanted to teach us how so that when we see them we know that they are being done correctly and are not harming the kids. they went through a few different types of holds, each of which required two staff members and a spotter. Then it was time for each of the summer staff to be put into a restraint so that we know how disarming it can feel.

When it was my turn, I was obviously a little nervous, but ready to get it over with. So I waited with my back turned and a split second later, I was facing the floor with my feet barely touching the ground. It didn't hurt a bit, but the speed in which it happened was shocking, and there was no way I could have moved even if I had tried. It is also designed so that you are at a slight angle, with you head lower than your hips, to promote blood flow to the brain. This is so that the person in the hold gets more oxygen to his brain and hopefully deescalates much faster. Again, these holds are only used when an adolescent has reached an escalated state and can no longer think logically.

Queen of the World

I have to admit that after we finished training, I felt like I could take on anything. I thought could walk the streets of Memphis alone on a Saturday night and get out of every situation. Just move and deflect right? I may appear small, but at least now I am armed with a little more knowledge about how to protect myself in a compromising situation. And I promise, I will not attempt to practice my skills by walking around downtown Memphis after dark! Monday we begin to learn a new set of skills: Re-Education of Emotionally Disturbed, or Re-ED. 

Day Three

Today was the next to last day for orientation. We covered HIPPA laws and boundaries with the children. I was briefed on what I can and can't say here in my blog. PR for Youth Villages also came around to take individual pictures and have all the interns fill out a bio so that they can send out press releases to our home towns. I gave the PR rep a link to my blog so hopefully more people can begin to read it. I'm excited to share my experiences with people from home and maybe inspire some people to look more closely at the agencies offered in their areas. These places always need help and these kids are our future. The quote that I hear every day in my head: "It is easier to build up a child than fix an adult." 

Approach to Violence

After the standard privacy act talk we started what they call CPI training. It is Crisis Prevention Institute training on Non-violent Crisis Intervention. For four hours today we discussed ways we can verbally deescalate a situation. I learned SO much in those four hours of note taking and role playing. We covered everything from kids flat out refusing to do a task such as homework to children trying to intimidate or manipulate their way out of a situation. We had scenarios that gave everyone in the group a chance to play out in their own minds what they are going to to when, not if, but when a child comes up to them in an escalated mood.  I had asked myself some of these same questions earlier in the week and today my fears were put to rest. The techniques they taught us today were really helpful in handling real life situations that are bound to come up. The golden rule as interns though is to never place our hands on the children. We cannot restrain them in any way. So these verbal techniques will become very useful in high stress situation during the summer. We went through every type of child in the book. Aggressive, threatening, questioning, non compliant, defiant. We learned how to address every type of child and how to deescalate each situation. Tomorrow we learn how to do physical holds on children in an escalated state. Although we aren't allowed to do these holds, we are required to know the proper technique so that we can spot harmful behaviors. Obviously though, the goal is to get a verbally aggressive child down to a reasonable and comprehensive level before he becomes physical. 

Five O'Clock

After work two of my coworkers and I went to a local Mexican restaurant to blow off some steam and to discuss our fears about the job. We all of course are worried about the physical pain that we might endure, but I think we mostly bonded over the fact that none of us want to be responsible for a child under our care to reach a point where he feels like it is necessary to become physical. We also discussed the uniqueness of the group of interns that are gathered here for the summer. Although we come from different states, colleges, and backgrounds, we all have one thing in common. We all have a passion inside of us that is driving us to help kids. The three of us sat there for a minute just thinking about how great it is to know that no matter who you turn to this summer, you will have a common thread with another intern.


Tomorrow is the last day of orientation and I'm more fired up than ever to start to get to know the boys in my courtyard. I know that I am surrounded by good and competent people and that I am armed with the skills to make a real difference in these children's lives. 

Day Two

7 AM came a little too early today and after a restless night, I wasn't ready for day two of orientation. And even though we had no interaction with our kids today, I knew it would prove to be more intense and, because of a lack of sleep, more challenging.

"Who We Are"

We started by delving into Youth Village's nine values. 

• Kids' needs come first...Always.

We make every decision in the best interest of each child. We adapt our programs to accommodate the special needs of children and families. Often we make personal sacrifices in order to help children and families achieve their potential.

• Children are raised best by their families. 

When at all possible, children belong with their families. We help families provide the support and structure that all children need.

• We provide a safe place. 

We provide care and treatment for children in an open, safe environment. We ensure that young people are physically and emotionally safe.

• We strive to achieve positive, lasting results. 

We help children and families develop skills to live successfully by focusing on areas that have a long-term impact on the family.

• We are committed to our staff. 

We recognize the many challenges our staff face each day. We value teamwork and help staff achieve their potential through an atmosphere of open communication, learning and fun.

• We are each responsible for providing the highest level of service to our customers. 

We deliver our best by listening and responding to our customers...every time, every day.

• We constantly improve our performance to achieve excellence. 

We measure our efforts by accessing our strengths and needs to identify areas for improvement. We believe that anything can be made better.

• We create new programs to meet the needs of children, families and the community. 

We develop innovative programs that serve children and families facing the most challenging circumstances. Our entrepreneurial spirit leads us to test the limits of existing services and create new opportunities.

• We do what we say we do.

Our mission and values are more than just something to talk about. They guide all of our decisions. We believe that our integrity can only be measured by how we live by these values each day.

 

These nine seemingly simple rules took us almost two hour to review. Then we moved on to more serious topics. 

Suicide, Abuse, and Runaways

After lunch we settled into a discussion about the very real risk of self harming behaviors exhibited in our kids. We were warned on the first day not to leave rubber gloves laying around as they might be used as a weapon against another or oneself. From then on out we were all looking around to see what other crafty ways these youth could find to cause harm. The discussion about suicidal tendencies was a controversial one as some religions view it as a sin while other cultures place honor upon taking one's own life. The stigma of selfishness or shame is often placed on suicide in the United States and we find it difficult to openly discuss, but with these children, it is necessary to be fully prepared. My first thought was how am I going to react when one of my boys comes up to me and says, "I don't like it here and I want to kill myself." The first thing we are taught is to take EVERY threat seriously. Yes, they may be attention seeking behaviors, but if you don't take that child seriously chances are they will decide to show you just how much they needed that attention. The one time you ignore a threat from a child will be the one who winds up in the hospital the next day. I know right now that I will not leave here this summer with a child who hurt himself because of something I did or didn't do. Let's be real, it may happen while I'm there. In fact, it is likely that some of my boys will go onto suicide watch at some point over the summer, but I will not be the person who ignored the warning signs and wrote it off as a way for him to get my attention. The next thing we needed to know is that  in these kids' minds suicide is a very viable option. They don't want to be here. Most of them have grown up in the system and have no way to picture life outside of residential treatments and group homes. They have no sense of what we consider a normal life and they feel that their life just isn't worth living. It's not our job to discredit these feelings, but to show them that when you put in the effort and you go through the programs your life can improve. 

After an insightful and heartbreaking discussion about children attempting to take their own lives, we moved on to abuse. Most abuse cases are cases of neglect. And most of those neglect cases are on children under the age of three. These neglected children eventually grow up and some of them end up in our programs. They never formed attachment and never learned to love or be loved. The example was given that when kittens are born their eyes are closed. An experiment was done where they took these newborn kittens and sewed their eyes shut until after normal kittens will have opened their eyes. When they took the stitches out, these kittens were blind and had lost their window of opportunity to develop vision. The same is true for children. There is a very distinct time frame when children have to ability to form attachment which produces certain hormones in the brain and distinguishes whether a child believes this world is a good and safe place or whether it is an unstable and dangerous place to grow up. This will follow a person for the rest of their lives. It's kind of scary to think that your caregivers have such an impact on the rest of your life at such an early age. 

From neglect we moved into sexual abuse, which for me was the most difficult to discuss. We classified different levels of warning signs and were given example after example of real life scenarios of children being sexually abused in their homes. What is the most frightening is what am I going to say to a boy who wants to open up to me and tell me about the abuse that went on in his home? A trust like this isn't something that I could ever brush off, but thinking of positive things to say to such a devastating situation was nearly impossible for me. Luckily we were given some tools to help us through these inevitable situations. First we never promise that things will get better. We can't promise that. We don't know what will happen in the future, but we can promise that we will get the child the tools available to help him. Secondly, don't show pity or sympathy. That might sound really harsh, but there is a huge difference in empathy and sympathy. These kids look for your weaknesses and as soon as they feel like you feel sorry for them, they will take full advantage. I think that was the most important lesson I learned from the eight hour of orientation I received today. Although my first reaction might be to say, "I am so sorry that happened to you. That's terrible." And I might be able to rationalize a child's behavior based on the abusive home that they grew up in. I cannot be sympathetic. Empathy. Empathy. Empathy.

CEO Dinner

When we finished at the operation's center, we all traveled over to Pat Lawler's home who is the founder and CEO of Youth Villages. He has been running it since its open in 1986 and successfully expanded the agency into 11 states. He is one of the nicest men I have ever met and he and his wife graciously opened their home to all of the interns for a BBQ. Before we started eating, he spoke with us about how an organization can have the best facilities and get funding all day, but without a strong and dedicated staff it all means nothing. He then gave several of the staff members a chance to introduce themselves and what struck me was the amount of time that the majority of people had been working for Youth Villages. 32 years. 24 years. 19 years. The decades most of these people have dedicated to this organization struck me. There has to be a reason to stay somewhere like this for 30 years right? I knew before, but I was reassured then that Youth Villages really cares about what they do with their children as well as how they treat their staff. I was again reminded how lucky I am to have this opportunity and made yet another mental note that I damn well better make the most of it.

Nerves are Back

After wrapping up the day's session I realized that although I am only one person and I am fully aware that I can only do so much, a lot is riding on me, on all of the summer staff, to do the best job we can do so that these kids can succeed as adults. It was a little overwhelming to sit here and think about all of the things that could go wrong, but luckily I know that I am surrounded by very competent staff and counselors who can teach me the right ways to deal with a child in crisis. I am anxious to get back over to the BCIRT and read my boys' case files and get to know them on a personal level. I'm ready to feel like I belong over there. I'm ready to get started, which I guess is a good sign?

Day One

I have been lucky enough to always seem to find a way to surround myself with people who want me to succeed. My parents, then my friends, and now employers. One in particular suggested very strongly that I keep a journal as I start my new adventure as a summer intern in Memphis at a non-profit called Youth Villages. So I am taking her advice to heart and keeping track of my next ten weeks here.

Let me start by saying that Youth Villages is a nationwide organization that facilitates residential treatments, foster care, adoption, mentoring, and crisis services for behaviorally and emotionally troubled children. Their number one goal is to help children and families live successfully. They are listed as a top 50 nonprofit to work for in the United States and their success rate is double that of the national average. And let me say, I am thrilled to be a part of such an amazing organization. I learned in orientation today that over 600 people applied for this position and they pick 65 interns ranging from here in Memphis to Washington State. So needless to say along with the initial excitement of being one of the chosen few, I also knew that the adolescents I was going to be working with were all place in this facility for a reason and it was going to be a challenging summer. 

I got here Saturday, and with the help of my amazing boyfriend, I was moved into the less than glamorous apartments on the Christian Brothers University campus in no time. We of course explored Beale Street Saturday night and then spent the day at the Memphis Zoo on Sunday. Then it came time for him to leave and with no other distractions until Tuesday, the anxiety and fear started to set in. I had no idea what to expect. I didn't know what age group I would be working with and I wasn't even sure if I would be placed with the boys or the girls. So I fell asleep Monday night full of anticipation. 

Day One:

I woke up bright and early ready to get some information about my summer adventure. Each person was assigned a placement at either a group home (level two security) , a residential treatment center (level three security), or the boys or girls center (level four security). I had been assigned to the BCIRT or Boy's Center for Intensive Residential Treatment, which happens to be a lock down and secure facility. So again my nerves start to make my stomach turn as I imagine behaviorally challenged teenage boys  meeting the new summer staff. (They call us summer staff instead of interns so that the kids respect us more.)

Anticipation Builds

The morning dragged on with the typical tax forms and privacy paperwork. Finally at lunch we got some real information. The supervisors over each of our facilities came to eat with us and answer any initial question we might have. Of course my group, which consists of five girls, including myself, and one guy, had a lot of questions. We were all concerned with our safety obviously and we really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. We were mostly warned about getting spit on or bitten, which isn't any fun but after picturing getting physically assaulted by a 17 year old, it wasn't so bad. We were also informed over lunch that the BCIRT is divided into four courtyards. Courtyard one containing lower functioning 12-17 year olds. Courtyard two has more normal functioning 12-17 year olds. Courtyard three has the little boys, 8-12 years old, and courtyard four houses the older 15-20 year olds. I was assigned with one other summer staffer to courtyard one.

Level Four

At three o'clock we left orientation to travel to our respective campuses and observe for a few hours. We arrived at a single level brick building and immediately had to fill out more paperwork that allowed us to have keycards in order to move throughout the building. After all, it is a level four security facility and these boys will take any opportunity they can to get out. We walked briefly through each of the courtyards, but lingered in courtyard three where the cute little 8 year olds where in the midst of cussing each other out. After touring our facility, which to me seemed like a small step down from juvenile detention, our supervisor left us in the hands of the individual Program Coordinators for each courtyard. My coworker and I entered a dimly lit room to have a chat with our Program Coordinator before we entered into the courtyard with the boys. He sat us both down and very calmly informed us that the boys on that courtyard were mostly there because they are sexually aggressive. He in particular gave us the names of three young men to watch out for. He started listing things to look out for like boys standing behind you or boys trying to sneak into the showers or boys trying to get personal information out of you so that they can find you when they are discharged from the program. It was a plethora of information and I was at the very least intimidated by it all. But after he finished his speech and asked us if we had any questions, we timidly walked into the courtyard where the boys were having anger management class.

Observations

We sat watching for the remainder of the class and as soon as it was over we had boys coming up to us to ask us questions and of course wanting to shake our hands and be near us. Luckily they don't have a lot of unstructured time to just chit chat and snack was promptly given out which occupied the guys enough to steer them away from us. Afterwards they played kickball and then marched, and I mean marched, to dinner. Finally six o'clock rolled around and I was ready to get back onto CBU's campus and hear about everyone else's first impressions. My first impression: What have I gotten myself into? But I am confident that with more information and a little more training, I can muster up the courage to face these boys every day and who knows, maybe I will make a difference in one of their lives.