The Final Days

Lesson learned for the summer: Things change in the blink of an eye. 

I guess everyone who has been following my blog noticed that I quit writing for awhile. I just didn't have any words to describe how I was feeling. I still haven't fully wrapped my mind around the events that have taken place. I guess I should start where I left off.

I got off work late Thursday night and had taken Friday off to go home for the weekend. I was looking forward to spending time with my boyfriend and his family. Those lazy weekends in between working were the only thing rejuvenating me enough to go back to Memphis and get back to work. So Monday morning I woke up to a text from my father that simply said, "Gena passed away at 3:30 this morning." I won't repeat what my first reaction was, but I melted down. Gena was my dad's fiance. She had been struggling with colon cancer that had spread for some time now. After being in remission for a few months it came back and it came back hard. She made the decision to not do any more chemo so we all knew that we would eventually have to say goodbye. In that moment, I knew that I was going to have to make some decisions and make them fast. I called Sister Barbara and told her what had happened and then headed to my hometown to be with my father. Tuesday we sat in Gena's home with her children, parents, niece, brother, and sister. Gena's story not only inspired our small hometown, but it expanded into the depths of Facebook and touched the lives of people none of us even knew. Love in the form of food, flowers, and hugs flowed steadily into the house for the next couple days. The funeral was Wednesday and I can't think of a better way to describe it than what my boyfriend turned to me and said afterwards. "That was awesome." And it really was. Gena's life was celebrated in a way that I never thought possible. She had left messages to her family via slide shows. She had chosen the perfect outfit (orange: her children's school color). She had asked for donations to be made to her church building project in lieu of flowers and the spray on the top of her casket held flowers from her own garden. Friends, coworkers, family, and strangers alike walked into the sanctuary and said their goodbyes. I was most moved when my father's coworkers came into the reception line and after hugging him, they hugged me and whispered into my ear, "Take care of your dad." It was nothing less than awesome. By Thursday morning we were headed to Memphis to move my things out. I would like to say that it wasn't an easy decision or that I felt torn, but I didn't. I knew that I needed to be closer to home for my family. Even if my dad never called on me, at least I would know that I could be there in a mere two hours should he ever need someone to lean on. My only concern was that my dad would in some way feel guilty for the decision I had made to quit the internship and move back to Alabama. I'm confident that I made the right decision. I know that Gena was proud of me for moving to Memphis in the first place and I know that she would have been proud of the choice I made to be with my dad.

So I end my blog here with an unexpected turn of events. I end it not with the closing of the summer and not with stories of the boys I have left behind, but with a heavy heart and many life lessons learned. I guess in a way there isn't a more perfect ending. Gena's devotion to her family is what Youth Villages is all about. A force for families and I can't think of a more perfect force for my family.

Day Sixteen and Day Seventeen

"Learning never exhausts the mind." -Leonardo da Vinci 

I have learned several new things in the past two days. I have to admit that I was beginning to wonder if my summer would consist of watching the other staff and playing cards with the boys. I know as summer staff we are somewhat limited in what we can do, but geez I was starting to think that I could have learned more about myself by staying in Alabama rather than coming up to Memphis. 

1.) I learned how to put in phone call notes on the computer. A simple task that made my night to be entrusted with.

2.) Boys are gross. I guess this wasn't a new concept but I definitely got a refresher on just how disgusting boys can be. I have three brothers and a boyfriend who all think that burping and farting are just things that happen and find it funny to do to get a reaction from each other or the females in the room, such as myself or my mother. Unlike the boys on my courtyard though, my male family members know when it is acceptable and unacceptable to pass bodily gases. They wouldn't do it outside of the comfort of their own homes or in front of complete strangers. Nevertheless, I have come to the conclusion that boys are gross and smelly and that will never change. 

3.) I was put in charge of leading a life skill today!! We have been a little short staffed and I guess my program manager trusted me enough to lead today's life skill on excuses. I would say that it went pretty well. I was able to involve everyone in the group by either asking them for examples or getting them to read something from their worksheets. I have to admit that I'm pretty proud of myself. 

Day Fifteen

It was yet another quiet day at the BCIRT. Not a single off task kid on courtyard one all day. (Yay for a small success!!) So I've decided to share a couple of links with you all. The first one is about the first person I ever talked to from Youth Villages. Her name is Sister Barbara Spencer and I'm pretty sure she is the most amazing woman I will ever meet. She was in charge of hiring all the interns and has been on board with Youth Villages since day one. She is absolute sunshine when she walks into a room and you can tell how much everyone here respects her.
http://www.memphisdailynews.com/news/2012/jun/1/sister-spencer-instrumental-in-youth-villages-success/

This next link is a YouTube video called "Extreme Measures." It is an original Youth Villages video that explains really well what YV is trying to accomplish with all their kids.

"We believe in the kids who are the hardest to believe in." -Pat Lawler, CEO of Youth Villages
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2Z-QI43Ek4&feature=youtu.be

Day Fourteen

Sabotage

Not much happened Friday at the BCIRT. I'm shocked slightly still at the inability of the children to see past their immediate actions and realize the consequences for the future. In particular a boy who was going to be given a day pass to spend out with his family, threw his opportunity away because he was having a bad day. He refused to eat and said some pretty vulgar things to the staff. I hate that he couldn't or wouldn't just keep quite so that he could enjoy the day his family had planned and I hate it even more for his family, but that's the way the world works. You can't just say and do whatever you want without reaping the consequences and these boys need to learn that. Other than this boy being off task all night, it was a pretty calm evening.

I thoroughly enjoy the shift that I worked with on Friday. They have a great sense of teamwork and communication. They trust us to try new things and give us the opportunities to explore the different aspects of the job. It is amazing how much the people you work with can affect your mood and whether or not you enjoy what you are doing.

Day Twelve and Day Thirteen

Sorry for the delay in posting. This week has just flown by and I have been getting up early to get a jog in over in Shelby Farms Park every morning so there just hasn't been time to write. But if you are ever in Memphis I would highly recommend Shelby Farms. Pictures below!

It has been a pretty uneventful couple of days. Several of our boys are discharging to lower level facilities so that is exciting. Other boys seem to be more escalated than what I have witnessed so far. I guess everyone has good days and bad days, but it amazes me that the quietest kids on the courtyard will suddenly explode into anger over something so minute. They are all mostly in the early to mid teenage years and are going through a lot of changes that I assume are hard to process and understand. Most all of them use anger as an outlet for their frustration so it is important for the staff to process with them and use the anger reducing therapy skills that they are taught.

"Which staff do you think you will learn the most from?"

One of our questions today in consultations was which staff member we thought we would learn the most from this summer. I chose a woman that I work with who has the most incredible ability to smile in every moment of every day. Even if she is dead tired she never lets it show. She has the most amazing attitude and leaves any personal issues that she has at the door. I have yet to see her upset or bad mouth anyone else. She has a pretty good rapport with the kids on our courtyard. I admire her so much for being able to come in and give these kids the love and attention that they all need. It is a very hard thing to do especially when you are having a horrible day and the last place on earth you want to be is at work. I really do hope that just by being around her I can learn to be more like her in all aspects of my life.

Day Eleven

"I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element at work. It's my personal approach that creates the climate; it's my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool for torture, or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or deescalated or a child humanized or dehumanized." - Haim Ginott

This amazing quote is posted on the back of the door leading to my courtyard. I never took to time to read it until today and I'm glad I did. Humiliate or humor. Hurt or heal. I know that these boys are all here for one reason or another. If they didn't need to be here they would be at home with their families, but I think what everyone who works with kids needs to remember is that they are watching you in every moment to see how you react to things and how you handle yourself in certain situations. It's an amazing amount of pressure to be a role model every second of every day. There is a lot riding on how these boys react to their emotions and they look to us as staff to help them figure out what is acceptable. If I choose to ignore the most annoying kid on the courtyard or if I laugh at a prank, then those things become acceptable for the boys to do as well.

The Challenge of Parenting

I think I have a moment during every shift where I take mental note of how hard it is to be a parent and how grateful I am to have the ones that I do. The above quote was my epiphany for the day. I see and feel the strain of being under watch constantly by someone, but they were there to humor and heal and make my life joyous. They successfully attempted what I now see as a near impossible task: raising children. I have a new found respect for all parents or grandparents or foster parents or whoever decides to take on the challenge.


Tomorrow brings another day sure to be filled with unexpected life lessons. I am genuinely grateful to be able to share what I am learning with those of you who have been keeping up.

Day Nine and Day Ten

What a contrast between the atmosphere of Fridays and Mondays. Friday seemed to fly by without a hitch and we had several boys who where getting good news from their counselors about getting moved to other, lower security facilities. We once again all left with smiles and laughter as we walked to the car that night. But Monday seemed like it would never end. The dreary weather combined with Monday blues made for the slowest moving day I have ever experienced. I think I checked my watch every 10 minutes for 8 hours. Funny thing about not having access to clocks in the facility, time either flies by or creeps at such a glacial pace that you are tempted to find a corner and just go to sleep so that when you wake up maybe more than a few minutes has gone by. Of course I couldn't go to sleep so I found myself pacing around the room and trying to beat my own record for how long I could go without looking at my watch. I guess it is the same way for the boys there though. Just gives me another perspective into the lives of the kids at Youth Villages. 

Tomorrow's shift will hopefully prove to be better, or at least faster. Wednesday is the Intern Game Night and Thursday we have consultations to help break up the day. I'm also looking forward to spending the weekend with my boyfriend here in Memphis. My fingers are crossed that Monday was this week's hump day and it's smooth sailing from here on out!